Who is John Galt?

“ And I was like 'you don't know who John Galt is' and he was like 'I'm so drunk dude, like I have no idea but I feel like I've heard of him,' and I was like 'dude, how have you NOT heard of John Galt, you fuping idiot?' " "Wow, dude, that's crazy."

 It was very late on a Tuesday night at the NYU bar, and they were desperately trying to show the world they were thoroughbred hipsters. They made sure that their fake glasses were extra fake to show their commitment to irony, and they each wore the style's centerpiece, extra skinny skinny jeans.

 It was winter time, so each young man had flannel on, and their stylized-messy hairdo had a little too much gel. This evening, they drank vodka, straight. They'd both recently tapped into the queer handbook which dictated that in order to stay skinny, one needed drink low calorie clear liquors, though neither one was ACTUALLY queer of course. As they got drunker, their exaggerated hand gestures became absurd, and they began cackling about how they could use a line or seven of coke.

 On their 3rd drink, one of the students had decided to start pronouncing the word "fucking" with a consonant sound that reassembled a hard "p" such that "fucked" sounded rather like "fuped." The other man, thinking that this syllable change was a new idiom of hipstersville rather than a breezy whim of an alcohol addled mind, seized upon it unquestioningly, and soon the fuping asshole professor who'd given them 1000 of pages of reading that week was so fuping annoying that he probably didn't even fuping notice that he'd fuping assigned the fuping exact same reading the week fuping before. As always happens in get togethers of this sort, the two expounded upon their knowledge of musical acts that exactly no one had heard of.

Presently, one man pretended that he had indeed heard of John Galt, a transgendered banjo yoddler from a suburb of Stockholm Sweden who had undergone a sex change to become a woman, but who still retained her birth name----a salvific form of irony.

 Suddenly, Ashton Bilard, their African-American friend, walked in.

 "Hey Ashton, dude, I was just saying that the fuping guys at the show last night didn't even know who John Galt is."

 Ashton smiled ironically, and adjusted his own fake glasses. "Who is John Galt?" he asked prophetically.