Devon's Nanny

The snow fell with a slow deliberation upon the city sidewalks. The world willed itself onward but it was clear that the steady buildup amassing on the sidewalks and streets would eventually grind things to a halt. 

Tami exited the private day school at 110th with a smile on her face. Snowflakes settled evenly in her French braids, and condensation came from her nostrils. She extended her tongue and tasted the precipitation that was determinedly falling and she nodded to herself in approval. Yes, this was going to be a good little storm.

She decided that she would walk to her apartment on Central Park West, rather than ride the subway. She pulled on a beautiful black scarf and gloves, and began her march south and east.

She saw a young man walking several dogs. He was tall, and handsome, and completely out of his element. She gave him a sympathetic look as he drifted by her.

Later, she saw a Hispanic man, furiously pedaling on a bike half his size. He carried a plastic bag that Tami assumed was someone's late lunch or early dinner. She marveled how he kept upright as the snow became more driving.

As she walked along the park, she observed a black youth about her age. He lit a cigarette moodily and stared defiantly as she passed, the smoke forming a seraphic haze about his face.

The cars on Central Park west flicked on their lights as late afternoon turned over to evening, and Tami began sing under her breath a tune her grandmother used to sing to her as a child.

Jesus keep my mortal soul
Deliver me from sin and woe
You who died upon the cross
To save me from all moral dross

She approached her apartment on 94th street when she heard a shriek. Turning her head, she saw a small figure waddle out of the park's entrance a block in front of her. Squinting, Tami could see that it was a young child. The toddler giggled incoherently as it raced by her, dragging a 2 foot child leash.

In an instant, Tami looked up the street for the little tyke's mother. She saw that the mother must have had a physical disability for she moved very slowly as she barked at her young son. Suddenly, the woman's shouts became deafening roars of terror.

Tami let out a scream of her own when she heard a loud screech of a car's brakes. She whipped around just in time to see the little boy struck by a cab in the middle of the street with a deafening crunch. There was no doubt, the boy was dead.

The mother of the boy stumbled by,  hysterically babbling. She passed by Tami unseeingly,  walking with an unseemly limp. Sirens broke out across the night. Snow began to pelt the city, as the world came to an absolute halt...

Tami's body shuddered in terror. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she threw off her blanket, and dragged her bad leg across the floor of her Morningside apartment to grab her jeans and a jacket. She whispered to her boyfriend and kissed baby Devon on the cheek. Then, she sent a text to Carmelita to arrive at the apartment at 10am, and assured her that everything would be resolved by then.

She shivered in the freezing darkness outside. A lonely cab honked haphazardly at her. It was nearly 4am on Saturday morning, and she knew she wouldn't be able to get her dad on the phone. She prayed that he was at his studio on Central Park West and not at the house in Darien. Either way, she needed to see him as soon as possible.

She would convince him to give her the money, even if she had to grovel. Who knows, maybe she'd even promise to go back to school. 

She thought about Mark, sound asleep at the apartment. Wasn't it he who had begged that she keep the baby? Hadn't he insisted that they preserve the sanctity of life? He had sounded just like her grandmother.

Yet he was at work all day and Grams died years ago. He didn't know what it was to listen to Devon to cry for hours on end? His body wasn't oddly distended from the pregnancy.  His nerves weren't unutterably shattered. 

In his opinion, Tami should, as a mother, have a natural aptitude for raising a son.  He was baffled when, a week after Devon had arrived from the hospital,  she had hired a nanny.

In fact she hadn't hired one at all. Her father had simply sent one over.

It had been a strange thing, for he had practically disowned her. He detested Mark. He had consciously had little to do with his daughter after she had run to live with Mark in her second semester of high school. He was appalled that she, at 19, was involved with a 30 year old. And yet there was Carmelita.

In the terse phone message he left on her phone, he explained that he would pay for Carmelita's services for the foreseeable future under the following condition: if by the time the baby was six months old,  she did not obtain a GED, he would immediately sever all ties with her. They would have to pay for Carmelita out of pocket.

Time had raced by, and Tami of course hadn't earned her GED. She hadn't felt up to it. She'd been exhausted. And now, on the day before Devon was six months old, she was about to be cut off. When she asked Carmelita if she would work for half her salary, which was well more than she knew she and Mark could afford,  the nanny had sadly shaken her head "no."

As she waited on the subway platform, she remembered that she had not meant to be a mother in the first place. She had known it would be too much. That she wasn't cut out for it. That she would lose the baby. Or worse, he would die on her watch. Her nightmares were vivid.

As the C train arrived she gritted her teeth and gathered what little maternal instinct she knew she possessed.  Her boy deserved the best, and she was going to make sure he got it. She was going to keep her nanny.