Dear Parent,
Thank you so much for sharing your cherubic son with the Schenectady Amtrak station! He was an energetic addition to this tiny hole in the wall. I feel so happy to have learned about the Disney Channel, and was particularly wowed by his encyclopedic recounting of the previous season of a show called “Finneus and Ferb," (It's a shame he did not spell the title for us, and I hope you'll forgive me if I've gotten it wrong!). Anyway, I just wanted to express my gratitude. Without him, I would never have been so well versed in children's television!
I was particularly memorized by your son's creative grammar use and pronounced lisp that evaporated the letter “s". Through his spirited two hour discourse, I was moved by how much he “love (th)ummer lots" and listened with intrigue as he told you, and us by extension, why “(th)o much people liked Di(th)ney channel." It was great stuff.
Maybe one of his most laudable qualities was his intimate knowledge of the words “ damn" and “crap" which accompanied so much of his monologue. Few 8 year olds display such a command of vocabulary; I dare say, you have a wordsmith on your hands!
I will close this epistle with an anecdote that truly illustrates the uniqueness of your delightful son. It occurred in the first moments after you and he arrived, arms laden with burgers and fries from the burger king across the street. After finishing two whoppers, fries, and a vanilla milk (th)ake with a rapidity that would make some professional eaters blush in embarrassment of their obvious inadequacy, he took it upon himself to regale us with the most sonorous and satisfied farts I've ever heard! The accompanying smell was robust and healthy, and I was really impressed by his supreme gastrointestinal health. Well done, really!!!!
Thank you again for allowing us to share this day before Christmas Eve with your son. I simply wanted to make sure you knew that he's a (th)ar. A merry merry Christmas to you!
Signed,
Hungover Young 1879 Rockefeller Niggelsbottom IV
No comments:
Post a Comment